Enraging Externships.

This post will not be pleasant; you have been warned.

I am not sure where to start with this concept. Let's start by defining professionalism. In my opinion, a professional person is one who wants his business to succeed. A professional is prompt, polite, and most of all, does not go back on his word. A professional should treat people with respect, even if they are not his superiors. I don't care what industry you're involved in, the core of professionalism should remain the same.

That being said, the industry that I have chosen for my career path, that I have fallen head-over-heels in love with, is full of people who don't know a damn thing about having a professional mindset. I have been completely screwed over by my original externship site: the restaurant Craigie on Main in Cambridge, MA. They could have warned me in advance not to come out for my second stage when they realized they might not be able to afford an extern, but they didn't. They allowed me to come work an eleven hour shift FOR FREE without even a hint that there could be a problem with my externship offer.

I've moved on. I've realized that I now have hardly any time to find a new externship site, but I haven't let that get me down. I've applied to 30+ places all over the country. Guess how many I've heard back from?

ZERO.

That's ZERO responses. Not even rejection letters, just people being too damn lazy to even write me an email to let me know that they aren't interested/aren't accepting externs/already have an extern/went out of business/whatever the hell else their reasoning could be.

Needless to say, I'm discouraged. I am flat out disappointed in this industry. I am not a naive person, I understand that people are busy, that not everyone is nice and helpful and wonderful; but I had at least a sliver of hope that the restaurants listed on my SCHOOL'S WEBSITE would be a little bit more responsive than the ones that I sought out on my own. This is completely untrue. Chef Tom Gray from Bistro Aix in Jacksonville, FL has proved to be the only decent chef that I have contacted. He didn't even do much, he just called me to tell me he could not take me as an extern. BUT AT LEAST HE CALLED. We can't have spoken for more than five minutes, but those five minutes mean more now than I ever thought they would.

So here's a word to all of you chef/restaurant owners out there: you were me once. You were an eager student/cook/pastry chef/baker at one point in your life. You cannot treat people like this and expect anything good to come out of it. I will never forget being screwed over by Craigie, and I will never forget who finally does take a minute to send me an email to tell me they would be interested in at least having me to stage.

I'm good at what I do, and I'm extremely confident in my ability to succeed. I'm going to be someone someday, and I will never, NEVER ignore someone who is eager to learn. It's completely unprofessional and rude.

That Sinking Feeling

I've been sick for a few days, so I've made sure to not do much more than lay around and watch movies today. I'm trying to get better ASAP.

In the midst of laying on Daniel's couch, crocheting a scarf for my friend Andrew, and listening to Beach House, I remembered something: I haven't heard anything back from Craigie on Main.

As all of you might remember, I have gone twice now to stage at a restaurant in Cambridge, MA called Craigie on Main. I was offered the externship position there in August when I first went, but wanted to check out other places before I committed to one location. I then went back and was told that the only factor that could prove problematic was the budget the restaurant had for payroll. This was the first time I had heard any hint of doubt in Jess's voice, but I left feeling positive.

Then I received a phone call from the chef's personal assistant last Sunday.

He said that Jess is having a baby and will be leaving Craigie during my time there. They're looking for something more permanent than an extern. They need someone who will be able to stay and take over Jess's position. He asked me when I graduated, and sounded genuinely disappointed when I said it wasn't until February of 2014. He said he would let me know by today whether or not I will be externing at Craigie, but I have yet to hear anything. I just sent him an email and am awaiting a phone call. Honestly, at this point, I don't have much hope. I've started sending resumes to other restaurants and bakeries, but am exceptionally disappointed that this deal I had with Craigie most likely won't pan out. I feel like this kind of thing happens to me frequently, and honestly it really gets me down. It's hard to hold your head up and have a positive attitude about things when people/opportunities/life keeps dealing you a terrible hand.

Anyway, as promised, here are the pictures from our last family meal in Cafe Savory.

Mary made bread!

Mac n cheese, steak sandwich, bruschetta, gyro, carnitas, and fried potatoes.

Savory cheesecake. It was just as weird as it sounds.

Kushari. Mine!

Plating the last meal.

So onward I go, adrift in a sea of uncertainty. I'm trying to reign in all of my options and go with my best bet, but I really hope something good happens soon. I hate feeling disappointed.

Cafe Savory

I am nearing the end of my most recent class. For three solid weeks (I say solid because I have been in the class EVERY DAY ((except two Mondays)) for three weeks), I have been trapped in the k-19 dungeon of Cafe Savory.

Let me preface this rant with this; I was SO excited to take this class. I love to cook, and I actually almost considered going to school for the culinary side of things, but decided to do baking because I'm already good at it. Kindof a cop-out, I know. Anyway.

The first few days of class were SLOW. We had barely anything to do, and we spent most of our time watching the chef do demos of cool things like brining, smoking, breaking down turkeys...really just a lot of neat stuff. I learned quite a bit in those few days.

Then things took a turn for the worst. The people who have never worked in/around kitchens started to emerge. You can pick them out by the pace at which they walk, the way they speak to the chef, and the level of confidence they maintain throughout the class. However, not having worked in/around a kitchen is not a requirement for our program. You just need to know how to bake a little bit before you step through the front doors, and you are not required to have attained that knowledge in a restaurant kitchen. I said to myself: "This will be interesting to see who can adapt to working in a crowded kitchen setting as opposed to a nice, cool, clean bakery." It, in fact, was not interesting. It became a completely frustrating situation almost immediately. What was extremely disappointing, however, was not the people who had never worked in kitchens. It was EVERYONE. 

All of our attitudes started to sour. We began each day of class waiting in the hallway and dreading having to listen to our chef be his ADD self and bounce from topic to topic, losing all of us in his wake of profound knowledge. I want to remark that Chef Skibitcky is one of the smartest men I have ever met. He not only knows how to cook, but he knows how to bake, and he knows the history behind every dish we prepared. That is an impressive feat, considering the volume of food we produced in this short 3-week period. As a Chef who is required to teach students who do not share his seemingly infinite knowledge, however, he is not the greatest. He seemed forever frustrated with us that we could not keep up with his pace and answer every question that he threw our way. His expectations were exceedingly high for a group of bakers who were simply supposed to be learning the basics of the culinary side of the kitchen. 

All of us are bakers, which means we either all suffer from some form of OCD, or are, at the very least, perfectionists. The fact that none of us seemed to be able to set up a demo to his EXACT specifications, or that we could never seem to follow his instructions explicitly really started to wear on the whole class. We started working a little bit sloppier; the kitchen was at least 3x messier than it ever would have been in Chef Walnock's class. 

Then something even more unexpected happened: we all started being genuinely MEAN to each other. I'm not talking about kitchen banter that, to the outside world, seems like a conversation between mortal enemies. I'm talking about snide comments, under-the-breath insults, Facebook rants, and things said right to each other's faces that I think we will all regret later. Today is our last day of production, tomorrow is the day we take our final, and I'm left wondering who will emerge with friends. I've experienced my own personal relationships strained by this class, and I can see it in all of my classmates' faces that they have felt the same thing. 

On a lighter note, we did churn out some amazing food.

Brined, roasted turkey.

The class plating up our first family meal.

The first family meal was Thanksgiving themed! We made everything except that tart in the back.

I believe these were carrot cake muffins with a cream cheese frosting.

Caprese salad.

Cheese and poblano quesadillas.

Kara's matzo ball soup.

Fried pickles.

Vegan Creamsicle Shakes.

Gnocchi with our tomato sauce and cheese.

Pierogies, Ruebens, Spring Rolls, Fried Pretzels, Fried Shrimp...delicious!

I still have a few days' worth of photos on my camera that I need to upload. I will try to upload them by tomorrow for you all to see.

Until I post again, wish me luck! I'm finishing this class, and moving on to...nothing. I've tested out of design, so I've got three weeks off of school. The only thing I have planned is to help Chef Walnock with her menu for American Bounty (one of the restaurants on campus). I'll be spending Thursday and Friday afternoons with her playing guinea pig, muse, grunt worker, or whatever else she could possibly need. I'm trying to think of creative ways to entertain myself, but money is always a restriction. If any of you have ideas, please send them to me! 

Boston

This weekend, I went to Boston. I drove there on Friday, slept, and then got up on Saturday to complete my second stage at Craigie on Main in Cambridge.

The stage started like this: I walked in at 11:50 and went downstairs to the pastry dungeon to meet with Jess. Instead of working with her, she said, I would be working with Lauren. Lauren is very experienced, she was a former pastry chef and decided to work at Craigie, she said, "to step back and learn again". She really is excellent. After the formalities, we got to work. I spun ice creams again, and poured liquid nitrogen onto purees so they became sorbets. After that, I was in charge of general prepping and making the rochers that I made last time. I kept this up until 5, when service started.

The dessert department doesn't usually start getting tickets until around 7:30-8, because the restaurant opens at 5, and most people do tasting menus, which take a long time to finish. However, when we started getting tickets...we REALLY got tickets. I ended up learning how to plate every dessert that Craigie currently offers.

Caramel filled Crepes over Apple Compote with a Butternut Squash Ice Cream

Cheesecake with a Huckleberry compote, served over a crab apple puree.

Chocolate Malt! Chocolate sorbet, Malted Milk Ice Cream, Chocolate Crispies, Honey Roasted peanuts, and a Peanut Butter Honey Ganache.

The beginnings of an Affogato: Mint ice cream with a chicory chocolate  sauce, topped with chocolate cookie crumbs and chocolate shards. (Will eventually be topped with espresso.)

I ended up staying until 11:00 that evening. That's an 11-hour shift, if you were wondering. It was hard, my feet were killing me, my back felt broken, and I was incredibly irritable. However, Daniel came to pick me up and we ended up going to Chili's where I stuffed my face with skillet queso and downed a margarita flight. I felt much better after my stomach was full and my spirits had been lifted with spirits.

Today, we drove around looking for housing opportunities. I emailed a lot of people and never heard back, which is disappointing. I was, however, quite happy to discover that the area I want to live in is not nearly as expensive as I thought. Plus, Jess offered to help me find a place/furniture/anything I needed to live there.

After the apartment hunting, we went to track down a comic book store in Cambridge that we discovered last time we were in town. It took us over half an hour and completely giving up hope to find parking. Those are two things I do not look forward to about Boston: the traffic and the parking. It is seriously the worst city for having a car that I've ever experienced. Anyway, we found parking. We also found a parade. And the comic book store. (THAT IS FULL OF MIYAZAKI THINGS AND EVERYTHING I LOVE.)

The parade.

While it was super annoying to try to drive through, it was...interesting to look at.

TOTORO 4 LYFE.

Anyway, that was Boston. Now I'm safely back in Hyde Park, and I am EXHAUSTED. I am also a grandmother. I could go to bed in half an hour and not even feel weird about it. Which is fine...I guess.

I love all of you and will post very soon!

New Paltz is the Ultimate.

A few things:

Firstly, I finished fundamentals this week. It is definitely a bitter-sweet feeling. I was extremely fortunate that I got to work under Chef Walnock for these fifteen weeks. She has truly been an inspiration to me and all of my classmates. She has a great mentality about baking, and life in general. I love her attitude and her mannerisms.

Secondly, I was checking my schedule and I noticed that I am not scheduled for any classes between October 12 and November 19. I went to the registrar's office to confirm that I have three weeks off from school and then immediately went to my chef. I told her that, for three weeks, I will be pulling my fingernails out because I will be so bored and begged her to give me something to do. She said that she's going to be working on a new menu for American Bounty (one of the restaurants on campus) and that she could really use some help on Thursdays and Fridays. I told her I would love to play guinea pig/research assistant/whatever she needs for those three weeks. I guess for the rest of the days I'll be working doubles at Eveready. We'll see.

Thirdly, I want an apartment. Really badly. Not that I am not the most fortunate person EVER because my roommate really rocks, but I want my own bedroom, my own kitchen, my own bathroom, my own EVERYTHING. I want MY stuff to sleep on and around. Unfortunately, I am going to have to wait until after externship gets done in June to get an apartment. I'll be renting a place in Boston, but when I get back to Hyde Park I will hopefully find a few other people who want to live off campus.

Currently, I'm sitting in a coffee shop in New Paltz with Angela, Mary and Katy. We've been here for nearly two hours. I don't want to leave. So I'm going to get off fo here to hang out with them, but I'll update as soon as something else interesting happens!

Reevaluating.

This was supposed to be an easy week for me. I'm finished with Gastronomy, Nutrition, and BIET, so I'm left with only BPT (kitchen class) and First-Year Seminar. I had all day yesterday off, and I wanted to use it to figure out my life. I made a to-do list, which included going for groceries, talking to financial aid about the tuition increase, and talking to the housing office, among other things.

Things got a little bit more complicated than I had planned when I went to financial aid. I ended up sitting down and talking to a financial aid counselor because for WHATEVER reason, the school had not bundled my private loan with the minimal government aid I receive. Basically what ended up happening is that I was told that I will be receiving about half of the refund money that I got in July. I'm now expected to live off of $2,100 for nearly 8 months, as I won't be getting much (if any) aid during my externship. As you can imagine, I was/am livid. COOL. I don't understand why people who pursue their dreams continually get the short stick.

What did I do after hearing this news? I got a job. I went right down the road, applied to be a server at Eveready, and was hired on the spot. I know how to pull myself out of a rut. I can thank my parents for that skill.

What it comes down to: is it worth it? Is being broke, frustrated, constantly over-tired, and continually on the brink of sickness worth pursuing this career path? The answer for me is yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I simply cannot imagine doing anything else. For every one time I have felt confused, insecure, or unhappy, I have felt inspired and full of life 1,000 times. This school is full of people with the same glimmer in their eye. That glimmer? Passion. Passion for food, life, experiences, travel, and creativity. I thrive here, I have finally found my niche. As far as I'm concerned, this school is the ultimate stepping stone up to the pinnacle of my happiness.

So, CIA, throw everything you can at me. I may break down momentarily, I may cry more here than I ever did at UT, but I will not give up. I love it here, and no money problem can lead me astray. I've found my people, and I won't leave them easily.

Shoes.

Let me just stress something for everyone who is unaware: there is nothing more important than comfortable shoes. I could argue this point until the day I die, because this week has been hell for my feet.

Last week I was scorned by my classmates for being able to stick my fingers through the holes in the bottoms of my crappy Wal-Mart kitchen shoes that I have had for over three years. They were good shoes to me. They never hurt my feet, they were non-slip (at least for awhile), and they were less than $30. How could you ask for more? However, even I realize that shoes with holes in soles are not appropriate for kitchen wear. Not only is it unsafe, it's pretty unsanitary as well. I decided that on Saturday I was going to purchase new chef shoes.

I originally had my heart set on Dansko's (they're like...the nicest kitchen shoes ever, or something), but I really really really did not want to spend $150 on a pair of shoes that will inevitably end up having flour, eggs, and other miscellaneous food items splattered all over them. Additionally, I have no source of income right now, and my bank account is starting to look pretty thin. Instead of going to look for Dansko's, I ended up at DSW. I walked over to the kitchen shoe aisle and immediately pulled out my phone to look up reviews for every brand in the store. I found only a few negative ones, but most of the shoes had pretty good write-ups. After nearly an hour of trying on clogs, mary janes, heeled shoes, flat shoes, and nearly every other kind of shoe, I settled on some low-heeled clogs by BOS.

This is where I will tell you that this purchase was one of the worst in my life. I didn't realize until Tuesday that I had made such an awful choice, but throughout my 6.5 hour kitchen class I struggled. I ended up having to sit down to keep myself from crying from the pain in my feet. After class, I walked/hobbled/half-crawled back to my dorm barefooted. It was finally when I got back to the dorm and realized that I could not even stand long enough to take a 10-minute shower that I panicked: I had already thrown my Wal-Mart shoes in the trashcan.

Wednesday was no better. At the beginning of class I felt a twinge of hope because my feet hurt a little less than the day before; I assumed this meant that they were forming to fit my feet. I was completely wrong. By the end of that class I WAS crying. I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I tried, with as much dignity as possible, to make the trek back to my dorm. I ended up coming up to my room, getting in the shower, curling up in a ball, and staring at my purple toenails in horror for nearly half an hour. The next morning I woke up to find my toenails still a light violet color, and my feet swollen up to nearly twice their size.

I don't have any choice at this school about whether or not I can attend class. I lose a letter grade every time I miss, so I jumped out of bed, yelped from the pain, and stumbled into the bathroom to get ready. It was then I remembered that my Wal-Mart shoes were still in the trashcan. So I dug. It was shameful, and it certainly did not help my already fragile emotional state, but I rummaged until I pulled those shoes out of the trash. I didn't even care that their home had been a toss bucket (Ruchi's word) for the past three days. I could not have been happier to wear them.

My feet finally feel better today. I'm walking more normally, and I no longer fear the loss of my toenails. I will not, however, be wearing the BOCs again. Dealing with that much pain for over 6 hours in a kitchen is nearly soul-shattering.

Moral of the story? Buy shoes that you know will support your feet. Ask your classmates and chefs which brands they prefer and listen to them. Don't be an idiot. I'm here to learn lessons for you people, so heed my advice.