Vows

Our wedding is only six months away.

Only? Yes, only.

I have planned just about everything so far; the location, the officiant, the DJ...almost everything is totally decided upon besides our final guest count and the menu for the reception.

During this time, I have decided to reflect upon my ENTIRE life, and the people who have brought me to where I am today. This blog entry is dedicated to the most important person in my life currently, and how he has changed me for the better.

Daniel.

I won't write down, for the public eye, what exactly I'm going to say to you during our nuptials, because honestly I don't know what to say to you.  How do you write down words that don't accurately describe all of your feelings? I'm not talented enough a writer to write about the love and ecstasy you are held responsible for in my life. I am not nearly eloquent enough to describe how it feels to wake up next to you every day, to listen to your breathing and be just so satisfied that you're here with me.

I don't know the words to explain how, when you kiss my cheek at work, I feel giddy in the midst of a giant prep list that needs to be conquered. How, when you do small things like draw pictures for me on the white board on the fridge, I feel connected to you, even when you're asleep in the next room.

I certainly won't mention to you how satisfying it is to make you a ham sandwich every day for work, not because I feel obligated to, but because I want to provide for you and make sure you're healthy and full. Again, I'm seriously, in all seriousness, unable to say how that makes me feel in a way that the rest of the world will understand. Making a ham sandwich? Domesticated! Boring! Silly! Somehow, now that it is my daily routine, it has made me love you even more. It makes me understand how important someone can be to me, in a way that I have never felt before.

I absolutely will not go into detail about all of the hell I went through in prior relationships, because it doesn't matter anymore. Sure, they contribute to me and all of my self-confidence issues, but it doesn't matter, because you're here. You are a knight, slowly slashing through the red tape and brick walls that surround my inner self. You persistently love me. You simply will not give up, regardless of my problems and my guarded heart. You love my heart, even when it is made of stone.

I just wrote this blog because I was thinking about you. I always think about you, but tonight it was especially humbling.

You will never know what you mean to me, regardless of how many blog posts I write about you. It's okay that I'm not a good enough writer to explain our relationship, I think the secrecy of my love is special and wonderful.

I love you, babe, and thanks for everything.