Thinkin'.

Posting during externship is proving to be difficult. Things aren't as variable as they are at school, and I've sortof fallen into the slump of every day life, having a 40-hour-per-week job, and trying to maintain everyday tasks like laundry and the kitchen. I feel a bit like a housewife, even though I work all the time. I've taken to making casseroles and desserts for the house, and on my days off I fill the fridge with food for the week. It's slightly depressing.

On top of that, I'm starting to re-evaluate my situation. I'm considering, now more than ever, not going back to school. I don't want anyone to be disappointed in me, or think that I'm a failure or a quitter, I'm just having some serious doubts about the direction my life is taking. I do not want to continue to pay an institution who does not value their students above the amount of money they are willing to put towards their education. Some of us are monetarily poor, but are rich in passion for cooking and life in general. We are the people who should be rewarded for our efforts, not those who can simply afford to take an expensive exam more times than the rest of us are allowed.

I'm still on the fence about this matter, and there is a much higher chance that I will swallow my pride and continue on with my schooling (especially after talking to my Dad), than stopping. Once I return, however, I will be playing a different game. I will suck every gram of information out of every chef I come across, just to ensure that I am receiving my money's worth. I'll also be concentrating a lot more on myself, and refusing to allow anyone to get in my way of success. I need to consider my peers, but I also need to think about how unfairly I feel I have been treated in this situation.

On a lighter note, the pastry chef I work under (Chef Aaron Russell) has been nominated for the James Beard Award of Outstanding Pastry Chef! I am so excited and honored to be able to work under such a talented guy. I'm proud of him and the entire staff of Restaurant Eugene for working hard to earn this prestigious title. Even if he is only nominated, and does not win the award, I'll at least know he deserves it! He really is awesome.

Anyway, I'll end this post with a few pictures and a promise to keep everyone informed about the decision I make regarding my schooling.

Persimmons! They're what happens when squash and butterscotch have a baby.

For Daniel's birthday we went to the zoo!

B'awwwww

My favorite picture of the expedition, and by far the creepiest.

Daniel with his birthday cheesecake :)

The Grapefruit dessert at work. Peanut and Pistachio Toffee, Grapefruit Segments, Green tea gel, Red wine Gastrique, and Saffron Foam.

Chef said I made a beautiful cheesecake plate the other day.

Salted Caramel Ganache, Cocoa Nib Tuile, Vanilla Foam.

Buenos noches! (That's right, I'm also teaching myself to speak Spanish.) ((BOOM.))

Just another update!

Well, I've had another day off today and I got a lot done. I found a new doctor (to appease my mother's prescription-refill request for our new insurance company), I went grocery shopping (again), I cleaned the kitchen a little bit, worked on my externship manual, and I baked cheesecakes. You will not see pictures of them on here yet, as they aren't finished (I'm painting them to look like Sweehearts, the Valentine's Day candy). I'm sure after V-Day I'll have some for you guys. So far they're really cute!

I've been trying to keep up with the externship manual, but it keeps asking me to have really weird, potentially awkward conversations with my chef. For example: what is the history of the restaurant? Uh, I mean it could be interesting, but at the same time he could not know? Or not care? Idk. I think it's asking me to write an essay that's going to prove pretty pointless.

I talked to Mary today! She's my favorite. We were on Skype for an hour, being weird, being awesome, talking about externship, and about our classmates.

I've started to get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach....like I don't want to go back to school. So many people are right, that learning in the industry is the best (and most profitable) way to go about obtaining the knowledge it takes to be a chef, but at the same time, I'm excelling at school. I'm anxious about acquiring even more debt than I already have, but also I don't want to waste the money I've already spent by not obtaining the degree that I was originally pursuing. It's a tough decision. Currently, I still have plans to return to the Culinary, I just understand more now why so many people don't return from externship.

Anyway, sorry I have no pictures to post! I know that's so unlike me, but not having much time to take pictures is a daily reality. I'll most likely post some when we celebrate Daniel's birthday on Thursday.

Love you all!

Oh, externship.

Well, I'm still surviving here in Atlanta. I'd like to say that everything is all fun and upbeat and exciting, but it just isn't. I'm still having a good time, but I'm in a rut. I'm bored. I know that patience and desire to master your craft are important parts of restaurant work, but it's so DULL. I've been plating the same desserts/cheese plates/whatever for only a week now, and I'm already ready for something new. I'm one of those people who requires constant stimulation, and it's definitely detrimental to many aspects of my life.

That's not me confessing that I picked the wrong career choice, by the way, it's just me realizing that wherever I end up needs to be more stimulating than the restaurant I'm at now. Also, don't get me wrong, I love Restaurant Eugene. It's a great establishment filled to the brim with really knowledgeable, talented people. It's just not my ideal location for a more permanent job. But then again, it isn't supposed to be.

I also might be bored because I have two days off at the beginning of each week, and Daniel works both days. I really just get stir crazy sitting in the house, but the only reason I can see to leave is to go somewhere and spend money that I just don't have. I think, if I can make some good friends down here, that I'll feel better. I hung out with my old friends Chris and Kendall last week, and that was really fun, but I don't want to make my boredom a constant bother to them as well. Not that they would think that way, but I feel weird calling them and intruding on their plans every week.

So to conclude this boring day, I will continue to be bored. I've got a few little things I can do around the house, but not enough to occupy my time for 6 more hours. We'll just see what happens.

P.S. NEVER live with three roommates. Just don't do it. I have been the only person to empty the dishwasher, refill it, clean the kitchen, vacuum the floors, and take out the trash since we moved in. Daniel helps sometimes, but for whatever reason I just end up stuck doing all of the chores. Case in point: the trash is full. Instead of someone taking the old bag to the larger trashcan outside, there is now a Taco Bell bag (of all types of bags...) accumulating rubbish right beside the full can. WHY?! I have also remained in my room for nearly the entire day, in an attempt to avoid cleaning the kitchen. I spent at least two hours yesterday (YESTERDAY) making sure everything was spick n span, but now there are piles of dishes in both sink compartments, just because everyone else is too lazy to empty the dishwasher. Warning: I can be more stubborn that anyone else, even if it causes me physical pain. And if that doesn't work, I am not above resorting to passive aggression. Sorry I'm not sorry.

I don't have many pictures to upload, but here are a few I took recently.

Crazy tornado hit near Atlanta...so much rain.

Sweet Potato Eclair dessert.

Not even half of the macarons I made in one day...

Close-up of the dessert. The eclair is resting on a toasted pecan streusel, and the brown quenelle is rum ganache. Right before we send it out, we drizzle it with a curry sauce.

The line guys were so excited about these fish!